Part II Important Exercise

I heard something from a commercial for an Oprah show. One of her guest speakers gave an exercise that I thought was Outstanding.
He said carry a notebook with you (small one) divide the sheet in two. On one side write the Header LOVE IT on the other side write HATE IT. Keep this journal for a couple of weeks. At the end take a look to see where you are spending your energy.
We have to know in life what energizes us, what makes life vital for us. When you find these things DO THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! On the I hate list sure this is stuff you have to do, or at least you tell yourself that - and that is a war I won't fight with people "I Have to ....". Fine for the sake of argument there are things you have to do, but if you have things in your life that fill you with Joy and Energy the shit you "have to do" isn't so bad if you're high on the things you love to do!!!

WHAT THE HELL TRY IT OUT. CAN'T MAKE IT WORSE. You're in charge of making your life better.

LIVE + LAUGH + LOVE + DREAM till you make it come true..
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II

This post is moved to a later date.

Part II

I met a woman today in the course of my work day. She has cancer, and this cancer creates ulcers all over her body. Her ulcers break open releasing blood and fluid that are at best unsightly. She is inspirational. She said that they told her she was going to die from this cancer and she said "no, I am not gonna die. Not from this!"
When she walked into the room she had such a vitality and dignity (of course it was her house). She is using homeopathic remedies, diet and prayer to heal herself. She couldn't shake my hand because of her open wounds and she had pads under her feet to absorb the fluid and to cushion the pain from walking. She said, "I may not look well but I believe you heal spirit, soul to body and I'm healed on the inside."

She wasn't the slightest bit self conscious and spoke with conviction that was heart felt and powerful. I don't relay this story to say don't feel sorry for yourself or as a means to make my on search or path trivial. I tell it because of how profound the message "we heal from the inside" is. The outside or physical may show symptoms but it is truly about finding the internal connections, those wounds are the ones we are trying to find and start the healing process. Life gives us "problems" for which we start our search for healing but like any home renovation once you start you go deeper and further finding pieces or rooms to work on.
Each pain can become our passion, we learn lessons to teach not only ourselves but to provide mirrors for others. This spit fire, little petite woman, who is barely over 50 faces her circumstances and healing of with energy and certainty that only someone of heart and faith could. I will not soon forget her or the lessons she has taught me.

Look at your wounds, pull back the layers and let the healing begin from the inside out.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II Challenge

I finished my Success Built to Last Class. It turns out (Good News) I have decide to be me. I am pretty sure that I have the best chance at success when being myself, who would know better how to be me? It's funny isn't it? Who knows how to be you better then you? It seems crazy but our parents and good friends sometimes think they do. I'm sure I have thought I knew better how some of my loved ones should be better then they did. The reason for my rambling is more about being who we are and my obsession with figuring out what I want to do or be when I grow up. I was reading something the other day and what I discover was incredible for me. Instead of trying to make/create myself, I am going to try to let go of one thing everyday that I find is not me. My belief is that I will appear to myself. I will be able to see the beauty of my soul by removing the clutter and layers I have spent a lifetime acquiring.

So here is the new challenge: stay aware of what are the behaviors, thoughts, beliefs, social norms that don't work and then focus on seeing them daily and letting them go. My teacher wrote in here comments that letting go of fear is the last thing we will need to let go of. Wise as always. That I think seems like the marathon of letting go, but I have already run a 1/2 marathon so ....

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II Trying to get it Right

I want to remind you to read the comments of this blog. My teacher writes most all of the time and her words are always on the mark. She speaks in her comments on my last entry, to step into the flow, walk your path. That is the second time I have heard that today. I have been angry with myself for the past little bit. Can you imagine that, angry that I am going to take a trip many people dream of. Angry, because I am quiting a job that I don't care for. I look back and I realize I am angry because I am afraid there are some things I may not have time to get to. Mind you I'm not angry all day because as many of you know I am a happy person, but the anger that is coming in I think comes from fear. The fear comes from me trying to define what I think I am suppose to be. I write all this because I wonder if other people don't get confused about the emotion you allow yourself to feel because it covers the ones you don't want to see.
I am taking a class about Success and how to achieve long term success. It is a good class and it has some good exercises to help an individual look back to see pattern and gain insights. My issue is, I went in trying to prove something, being competitive and this is really about self esteem. I have been taking the right steps for me in my personal life. I am living my life in the way I feel self directed to do. What I forgot is to stop watching the person next to me as a means to measure myself. Each of us must live the way we see fit, learning as we go. We are all here to learn different lessons, work through patterns, so comparing is the wall you do not want to run into. I am looking inside and looking for my true measure of a "success". The road blocks, the mental crashes I have only serve to remind me of my drive to be true to myself. In the end, for me, I answer only to myself, (Oh and the credit card companies).

Where is your inner voice directing you? What emotions churn inside?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II

People say that what we are seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think this is what we’re really seeking. I think what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive.” - Joseph Campbell

I saw this quote tonight and I thought far be in from me to argue with the great Joseph Campbell but for me it is both. To me everything in our lives has meaning, if we will but look. I believe that in every moment our soul is engaged in a dialogue with our Higher source and the energy wave of this planet and the collective conscious. We are in the process of experience being alive by being aware of this communication because it helps us as individuals become aware of all the aspects of oursleves. When I get into an arguement with another I may be having an opportunity to state a belief about myself and thus become aware of this aspect. So I seek meaning because in finding the meaning I experience being alive.

What speaks to you in your life? What do you notice? What draws your attention? Pay attention what you notice? Your Soul is speaking to you!

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II

"When you come into this world, you were given instructions - sort of a toolkit of your talents and special gifts that you are given. Your life's task is to put those tools to use..." Roberta Jamieson"

I sent my check for India yesterday. I spoke with J who is in charge of the trip and she was great. I explained I am having some strange screaming inside my head saying "noooo don't go" "are you crazy?" (you get the idea) but as we talked I said I have learned that the voice inside that I should be listening to doesn't scream, the scream is fear, my soul speaks in a peaceful voice. My ego is the one putting up the fight, (it holds all my cognitive belief patterns). She told me I was in the right place and I appreciated her encouragement.

Therefore, I am off to Thailand and India in the beginning of the year. The big question is why? The answer is; I hope to know by the time I get back. I am compelled to go so I am going to follow the call and see where it takes me.

In addition to the trip I am taking a class as I am taking steps toward aligning my work life with what is driving me inside. I watch friends these days I see a lot of stress and strain on relationships. I think this stems from our attempt to reveal ourselves with what we have buried to long and to try to make or find meaning in our lives. I believe that we're all frightened that our circumstances may change or worse stay stagnant. You have to be willing to gamble the devil you know for what might be behind curtain number two or door number one.

It all comes down to becoming comfortable being uncomfortable and having the courage to face the loss for the opportunity to be more, trusting all will turn out. It's a leap of faith so you can jump, step or wait for the God of your knowing to push you. But know this, if there is an urge inside, a soft whisper you think to ignore, look out - these times they are a changing.

Do you know your special gifts? Write a piece using the prompt, God gave me the ability... My special gift is .... I feel alive when I....

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II Day 13

I gave away me bed on Sunday night. (Sounds a little crazy doesn’t it?) I have had my “stuff” in storage for over a year and a half. I gave away most of my kitchen items and some odds and ends. What the stuff is isn’t as important as what it means. I guess up until now I have talked about taking this trip and knowing that there were some changes happening but it feels somehow that even through this process of writing a blog and documenting what internal changes were happening that it has still snuck up on me. What I mean to say is that we make a great deal of progress by taking small actions towards an intention. When taking one step toward it – it takes big steps towards you, and then all of the sudden it’s real.

In letting go of some of my things I was letting go of parts of me I built as my identity and I have to say it made me sad to let go of these things, but I think what I am grieving is the loss of where and who I have been. It seems so odd to put into words and I‘m not sure I can. I have felt that I was not living to my full potential feeling urges to move forward. I am searching for my cause and I am choosing to let go of where I am in order to move forward to find it. Letting go of my stuff is a physical manifestation of that intention. It is a step toward my intention. My intention is to find what I am most passionate about, and then to live from that place.


What would you do today if money and time were no issue?


Please say a prayer or hold a thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Namaste
K

Part II Day 7

There is much I could say this evening. Lessons coming from a class I am taking, friends with major transition opportunities, plans and fears around extended travels, and grief over letting go of stuff that I have been holding. I find that during my own indecision and uncertainty I found a quote that provides hope in the fact that all will turn out when we are true to ourselves. It is difficult to be honest with yourself especially when it comes to living life on your own terms, but never is honesty more important or difficult then when you point your attention inward, (but oh the rewards)
"I learned this, at least, by experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours...
If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundation under them."
-Henry David Thoreau


Please say a prayer or hold a thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Namaste
K

Pat II Day 6

Time heals all wounds but sometimes we don't want the wounds to heal for we fear if we get over the pain we will forget. I wrote that roughly 29 years ago. Today is my sister's birthday. She would have been 48 today, instead she died at the tender age of 19. I can see her in my minds eye as she stays frozen in her youth. She came to me in my dreams so often after her death, still it took me years to understand what she was telling me. I have rarely had her visit since I understood her message. Her death and visits have been a tremendous force behind why I search for meaning and how I lean toward deep relationships. I have witnessed great pain at an early age and it is an intense teacher.
Chris kept a journal of favorite writings, another influence for me, but the writings are eerie in the messages she left behind. She loved life, she loved us, she was a beautiful person both inside and out. She had a bad temper and a quickness about her. It is such a shame just as she was beginning her own life it ended. One of her journal entries was "better to have lived well then long."
I am grateful to have had her as a sister, for even though I only had her for 15 years she still impacts my life today. Happy Birthday Chris. We love and miss you.

Tell someone today how much they mean to you. LIVE WELL! LOVE OFTEN! EMBRACE LIFE!

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II Day 5

I got my letter back today from the Missouri Board Of Counselors. I sent my transcripts in to see if I could be licensed in MO. They sent me back a letter that said I didn't get my MA in the correct major so they didn't review my transcripts. For those of you who know me, you know I don't take rejections well. I just started a class called "Success Built to Last" in the first class of the course, the question was raised "what is success?" Of course just as I am asking myself this question and understanding that it is up to me to decide if I am successful, along comes a letter telling me that has far as educating myself to enter a new field is concerned the Board of Counselors in MO told me I was a failure. I went to school to gain credibility to legitimize my beliefs and process so people would know I could help them sort through their inner and outer world. It appears if I chose to follow the "normal" ways of counseling at this point I have failed. I was hurt by the rejection letter, mostly because it felt dismissive (which is another button for me). As my day progressed I got angry(I'm good at angry). I put two and a half years into an education that is not much good (my thoughts). I got mad at JFK (my school) and at myself for not looking far enough ahead to see what the requirements were. As I calmed down from my over active insecurities I remembered that I went to school their, because it was not the "normal" education and I was looking for a different programed where I could learn more about reclaiming my soul.
I forgot that my concerns were we concentrated on the mind, or just the emotions and that all of these emotions, thoughts, life occurrences are just the way our soul, this to often unconscious essences, is using to try to be heard. I will call and clarify what else I need to learn, as I choose to make sure whoever I am working with is safe and in the capable hands of a professional who can protect their legal rights and offer the best resources to best assist them. However, I do know that I have helped people reach a better understanding of themselves because I listened to their soul and hopefully gave them tools to listen as well. I don't know if I think I am a success for there is more I wish to do, but I do know I am not a failure, as usual I am listening with my heart and doing it my way and trust me when I say that is not easy.

What is Success to you? Are you successful? What are you Passionate about? Where does that passion spring from?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II Day 3

I sat at my little restaurant the other day (funny how no matter where you are a lesson can find you). A young African American man sat down at the corner of the counter a few seats away. He was dressed very nice and of course I had to speak with him. I said, "I might be showing my age, but you look to young to be a businessmen, he said he had to go to traffic court. We started talking more; he mentioned he was going to night school. He is a minister that works as a bank teller while attending classes. I am always a bit envious when someone so young is so sure of their path. He told me he started preaching at 8, that God called him. I was speechless so many thoughts ran through my mind. Mostly it was his charming yet shy conviction when he said it-he provoked such a quiet strength. I watched as he shuck hands and spoke to others in the diner that he knew. I was proud of him; you could see his spirit emanate from him. I asked how he came to be a minister; did his Pastor recognize him and initiate him? He said yes, but that he knew and acted from that knowledge it was almost that he declared himself but it was almost an afterthought because he knew who and what he was.
My lessons from this sweet natured young man outside of role modeling is, being open to your calling, acting from your heart with this understanding, and then following the path laid out from your beliefs. He said, "It can't be wrong if it comes from your heart."
My teacher tells me I will be a teacher when I claim it. I was grateful to meet an example of such a young person claiming it, especially around a spiritual calling.

What calls you that you have left unclaimed? Can you see any role models around you? Embrace what is in your heart

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Part II Day 1

And so we begin again. This is Day 1 of Part two. What does that mean, you ask? Not sure yet. I'm moving forward and so will work thru putting a plan together. I will be calling the lady in charge of the trip to India and making flight reservations for Thailand. I am also starting a class called "Success Built to Last" ( sounds so gimmicky- No Laughing! - You gotta try everything once) More to come.
I took a long weekend with friends - good friends - the kind that last a lifetime. The long weekend I took was to my family farm. The farm (no longer a working farm) has been in the family since the 1870's. While there we did a burial ritual (a suggestion from my Teacher- thanks P) . Rituals for me are used to express an intention a way to say to your higher power and to yourself this is my desire, a way of both opening and closing a door for progress in that direction. I believe we are in a time of transition, in our country, in the world and most significantly to ourselves. My way of dealing with transition and marking important stages is ritual. In this one we buried items that represent something we want to let go of. We then buried something we wanted to see grow. It is always interesting for me to see if the ritual marks the beginning or end of a process. Sharing this , was moving.
Today in this moment I feel so lucky. I had a great and blessed trip to St. Louis and really feel like I am moving forward in a positive direction. There was a brief piece on the news tonight that said psychologist were suggesting young people should be encouraged towards more self discovery. I believe that with all the turmoil in the world we are all being asked to explore what is true happiness and self-fulfillment. That is certainly what I am looking to understand within myself but also seek to understand in others.

What would you bury to represent something to grieve and are willing and ready to let go of? What seeds of intentions would you plant to see grow?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 30

My last day (part one) I met with Dharmakeerti - the keeper of the dharma/teachings and I felt lucky to have the chance. She listened explained, granted permission, advised and most importantly encouraged me to trust and listen to, myself. The funny thing is, she just flew into town yesterday and I happen to be able to meet with her. It just worked out that it was the last day of this process.
I am including in my entry today a piece I wrote to myself as an exercise during a preparatory writing workshop for Africa. I am publishing it now because it is a fitting ending for part one of this process and the beginning of step 2. It is difficult to publish this piece because I fear it will be taken the wrong way.
This is a goodbye letter and I guess the first interesting part for me is that it is with great difficulty that I write a good bye letter. I have always since the death of both S and C been afraid to write such a letter fearing my physical death. It is a wonder to me in some ways that I would hold this fear because I truly feel I have died hundreds of times in this lifetime already.
Having said that, this prep time before Malawi has been about me cleansing purging the old decayed internal parts and I have found this does not just mean the waste from my body.
So I will say goodbye and die again.
Goodbye O, you were the first love of my life and I loved you in only the way a young girl can. I was 20 and thought you hung the moon. Goodbye to that young woman who stood on the alter, in sacred ritual. I mourn the death of that young woman with love in her eyes and hopes and dreams in her heart.
Goodbye to the tough drinking and smoking Karen who built walls and blocked pain trying to be what she thought she should be as oppose to being who she is. I love her. She was fun and funny, profane but no less loving- I admired her toughness but she never really had the thick skin for it. I feel the pain she felt at not liking her own actions.
I say goodbye to family obligations. Don’t get me wrong to all of those of you in my family. I am saying goodbye and cut the chains of straddling two worlds never truly letting go. That is my fault I blame no one. I just never could figure what I was supposed to do and what I realize now is that what I want to do gets walled up in what I am suppose to do. So the picture in my head is of myself clinging desperately to your outstretched hands when you have never gripped on to me but the other way around.
Good bye J
I love you – I say good bye to the part of me that clings to you. I finally picked a good and decent man and I don’t know how to be in relationship. Not sure what to ask for or how to get it and that leaves us incomplete.
Good bye to pain and guilt, and good bye to running not unlike Forest Gump I have run so long with my head down I have no idea where I am. Where am I? Good bye to that question.
Good bye to Homeline.
I’m looking for better pay and more fulfillment. Take the needle out of your own eye because with the one in mine I can’t see yours.
Good bye Bay area
You are beautiful but like a sexy man who cheats you are not worth the price I have to pay.
My eyes are forward and I have dropped off my back pack it was just too heavy - I see an opening and I am preceding forward .
So it is on to step two making the dream/my plan come true. It is off to Thailand and India.

What's your Dream?

Progress:
Made an appt. for an advisor

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 29

I spoke with my 13 year old nephew tonight about his writing. He read me a couple of the pieces he had written. I have to tell you they were very powerful writings for a young person. As we spoke of his writing I was struck by how important it was for me to make sure he understood his gift and to help support and nurture it. He seemed to appreciate the input. I realized in wanting him to understand his gift I was also talking to the child in me; that my strong feelings towards him and his potential were also about me wanting to do this for myself. (Not even a parent and I figured that out)
I remembered after he had gone to bed how much I wrote when I was younger, and how important my writing was as an outlet. I'm still writing today.
I will be seeing a Holy woman tomorrow, I seek her counsel in order to help clear blocks from my path. Interesting I meet with her on day 30.

Do you remember what sparked your interest when you were a young child? Does it still hold your interest today?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 28

I went out to dinner tonight with a couple of friends. Our discussion was fun and deep. One of my take aways was the discussion on "what are you passionate about?" I sat and listened to both of these people who live there passion. They both work doing what they feel they were born to do. I am inspired by them and felt good talking to them about future possibilities.
I also had the chance to talk about what I love to do and was encouraged. I feel after the last couple of days I am on more solid ground and tonight just topped it off. That's it, I feel good about the work I have been doing and feel the progress.

Who inspires you? Look around they could be sitting next to you.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 27

I spoke to my mom today about my not so firm future plans. It was good to speak with her to get a better understanding of how her way of being has affected me. My mom is enormously supportive of me and has always given me a strong sense of self. She has always listened to all of her children as if we were the most important people, with the most significant things to say, (its all in the way she listens). I picked up on something today as we spoke, in listening to her story I heard her concerns with money, her story has many worries but mostly one of lack and repression from lack of funds. She talked about other people being better and not getting to do the things she wants to at certain times. I say this not as a slight to my mom but because we are all affected by our parents story; the story of their lives and the narratives they tell. While in dialogue, I told my mom I feel a tightness in my chest when I hear you and I don't know what to do with your story. She said that's because I like to fix things and I can't fix this. The truth is I feel stuck when I hear my mom repeat her limiting beliefs, I have heard them many times. We talked about changing old patterns/beliefs by noticeing some of the thoughts that come up and changing them. She and I laughed about her telling herself she is a lottery winner or a big score winner on the boat.
Seriously, I know her story affects me, I hold some of the same worries I have heard for so long. My hope is that I have a better understanding of where some of these fears come from and to know they aren't mine. (Learned can be unlearned) I am not stuck, I have the ability to live a different way. I am working with the full lesson of our relationship and the stories we hold for each other.

What lesson do your parents hold for you? Look at the life story they tell. What patterns are they? Do you hold on to their beliefs? How does that work for you?

Progress not perfection:

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 25

I spoke with a friend yesterday, who happens to be a very good therapist. I spoke with her regarding the process I have been working. Words like permission, limiting, all or nothing came up. She helped me see that I am holding on to old limiting beliefs. She told me to keep following my urges and that many people don’t take the opportunities I am taking and this was a good thing. I felt really good after our conversation, more free then I had felt in a while. I noticed that during the day today I started to lose some of those good feelings, a direct result of my own negative thinking. I resolved myself to watching my thought patterns and counter act them with positive affirmations. I am also watching my language so as not to work with extremes.
I have seen a pattern with my own insecurities in which I will make a task appear overly difficult. I believe I do this so in case I succeed it is an almost heroic feat and if I fail, well, no one could have accomplished so much. (That’s what I like to call insecurities)

Limiting beliefs. What sayings come up time and time again for you in stressful situations?

Progress:
Talked to my teacher for support and advice
Spoke to a counselor for advice.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 24

So I'm on day 24. I didn't realize I would be ending my 30 days in St. Louis. (hmmm?) With 6 days left one thing is certain; no one can flip flop on an issue like I can. I was driving home from my brother's house tonight thinking, do I really want to be on the road by myself? Is this idea of the freedom to search and find people to know more really my passion? Am I read to leave the bay area and J for a considerable amount of time. All of these thoughts run through my mind as I sit down to write and for some reason I think of the Nightly News and the story about that we are blowing a hole in the moon. I have not heard the whole story, but I understand we are looking for something and so decided to drop a bomb to see what we find. (Does anyone else wonder, "what are they thinking"). Do they know enough information about what the consequences may be? What information do we need? I am reminded of a children playing with fireworks with no thought of the consequences or to a 44 year old woman who in an effort to see what else is out there blows up her life. Unfortunately, my urge and internal impulse is to keep moving forward down this path. I am looking for the clues that say "stop here", "do not enter"and as I go taking one step after another I'm humming the song lyrics "Old enough to know better, but still to young to care". Heaven help me. My search continues.

Is there anything you flip flopping on? An issue that causes indecision? How do you make a decision?

Progress:
Discussion of website functions and possibilities.
Met and discussed writting workshop.


Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 23

Transition is rarely an easy thing (at least for me). It seems that for most of us it can take years to make the kinds of shifts that create a new living situation. Look at divorce, I'm divorced and it took me I believe 2-3 years before I left and probably knew almost everyday that it was no longer a good place. So perhaps step one is the realization that ones present situation no longer works. I remember I did a variety of activities to help during my "incubation period" The most unproductive thing I did was to get busy doing "stuff" to stay busy and away from what I needed to do. I believe we have spoken of avoidance. Thus enters the bury your head in the sand time. Then there's the fix it stage, I went to support groups both structured and unstructured. I decluttered my home removing all the trash and unwanted, unneeded items (metaphor) and I talked to many people to try to help myself figure out what to do. Perhaps the bee hive steps of fix it, or pretend it'll all be OK because I'm to distracted to notice. is really the presences of fear. (Better the Devil you know). I'm obviously addressing transition because I'm back in the process again. I say all this because I know I have made the realization that I need to make some changes; I knew it two years ago (for heaven sakes it's part of the reason I went back to school). Additionally, I am starting to declutter, travel and feel sick to my stomach with indecision (so get busy so you don't feel) This time I am better prepare - no less scared or uncertain but this time I know some of the signs. Be good to yourself if you are in transition, I am trying to be. I keep an eye and heart open for signs, I am allowing some of the angst to come through so I can use my fear for direction. If I fear I won't have money, look for resources. If I fear losing someone, talk to them and be open to solutions. Transition made easier follow the fear. I wish it could be easier for everyone as I have since how difficult it can be for some, I must remember to let them have their path so as to learn and grow.

Be good to yourself. None of us can see where the road leads, best to enjoy the journey.

Process:
Sent Resume out.
Found another opportunity for a different position

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 22

I would invite you to read the comments written on the blog. My teacher writes everyday and she is the real deal, gifted, wise and insightful. I would encourage anyone to read her words as they have always supported challenged and guided me. (Her website is listed). My brother writes as he can and I also see him as authentic, a good man, and one of the best people I know. His words are always encouraging, thoughtful and heartfelt.
It was a bit of a rough day today. I let my mind get the better of me. I got worried about the outcome of this process and my plan for next year. I was worried about how I am going to make ends meet and losing my job. ( Not Present. I think we talked about this before)I turned on my computer to get some work done and noticed an old friend emailed me regarding a job opening. I won't take the job but it was nice that the universe/God heard my concern and answered with some reassurance. As I look back on my day I see I got support from several friends as well as my mom, sister and brother. I am reminded today of my roots. So my mind chatter today has given me a chance to see all the support and help I have around me. By the end of this day I feel very fortunate to have family and friends I can speak to that offer encouragement, advise, love and support. Part of my process today has been realizing that next year I will always have people I can count on if I lose my way. A teacher from school says begin where you stand. I stand and begin this journey surrounded by love and support. I am very grateful.

Where do you go when you're worried? Who do you talk to? Notice who's got your back it is some of the most important information you'll ever need.

Process:
Checked into another graduate program.
I checked on Counseling Licensure update: will have answer at the end of the month.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 21

Part of this process, putting a plan together, has resulted in a review of my past employment behaviors to find patterns that will lead me to a better understanding of not only my skill sets but of my strengths and weakness. What has come up of late is my frequent inability to stay at jobs for an extended period. I have noticed this lately as my job becomes more and more difficult to perform. I realized this is not the first time I have been less then enchanted with the work I was doing. This process has been due in part to the epiphany that I am not long for this job. I spoke with a woman recently, who said that leaving jobs frequently, where you are on good terms,(which is mostly true for me Until Now,) is a sign of an aspiring entrepreneur; that for a while made me feel better. I have to come to terms with the nature of my discontentment. Now it is important to understand why I feel I can do jobs that, I have to realize by now, I won't be happy with in 8-12 months. Yes, it is obvious that I should be doing something else (duh I get that.) The important question is why do I keep going back to working in places I know I won't last. What need are these jobs filling? Yes, it is money and security. However, I also have not waited out the process so have jumped out of one job before finding the correct spot I want to be next or perhaps I left before my lack of enthusiasm got me into trouble. Perhaps following the impulses and urges in the long run will have been correct. I am going to hang on to the question to see what there is to learn. At this point I believe this is my way of talking me into not leaving this job to soon and to try to stay motivated.

What do you want to do or be? Is there any block or urge you are ignoring?

Process:
Told the family I may not be around for the first three months of 2010
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 20

My two nephews this week brought up the fact that I tried and failed for three consecutive years to make the volleyball team while in high school. They, being in high school thought this failure was catastrophic (so did I then). I explained that yes it was painful to fail when I had worked so hard going to camp every summer. Worse yet, was the fact that I had to wait years before I finally realized the blessing in my failure. You see because I failed at volleyball in high school, in college I took the opportunity to try out and play soccer (volleyball and soccer are payed at the same time). Soccer became one of the great loves of my life. Because I played, I later had the opportunity to coach. The coaching experience, working with girls and boys, brought so much fulfillment to my life and hopefully something beneficial to them. None of that would have happened if I had made volleyball. The lessons for me; I have failed in the past and survived. Additionally, I saw that there have been many times when I extended myself, I have succeeded more times then not. This would just be one more time I put myself out there, and if I fail perhaps it will be another wonderful stepping stone. You never know.

What would you try if you knew you couldn't fail? What would you do even if you knew you would fail? You never know.

Progress:
Reaching new understandings of self.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 19

I was driving around with me sister today and she said something that struck a chord with me. She said she is always rushing to get things done and she realizes that nothing is ever totally finished, there is always something else that needs to be done. She seemed perplexed at this frenzied cycle. I completely understand this frame of min. I know for myself I am always looking for something (distraction - fill in the blank for yourself) to be done or finished in order to get to the next (distraction - fill in the blank for yourself). For the first time in a long time, (hence this process) I am again coming closer, to consciously knowing that these are just ways to keep myself from facing/choosing what I fear, which is living an authentic life. Now, I'm not sure fear is the correct word, a better way to explain may be, I don't have a concept or construct of what living "authentically" is. I'm just not sure I have an understanding of what my life will look like, or feel like when it is always of my choosing. Perhaps I conjure the word fear because perhaps I am concerned that authentic will not fit the "social norm" (because I'm pretty sure it's not)So in the mean time instead of figuring out what "authentic" is for me I have stayed busy with the next (distraction - fill in the blank for yourself). As you may notice I am attempting to find these "authentic" pieces using this process and being open. Open to new opportunities and open to letting go of that which does not fit.

Take a look around what are you using as a distraction? "I have to...." is a good place to start looking for chains that bind. Real or Imagined?

Progress:
Disclosed more of the plan to the family


Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 18

Travel day today. I am heading back to St. Louis for a couple of weeks, always good to be with the family. I’m sure like many of us they provide me with my roots; a centering point from which I can look out and see a more clear and realistic picture. As I was traveling home (notice I said home hmmm) I met a young lady from Alaska. She grew up on an island outside of Juneau in a logging camp. We had great conversation I talked to her about the plan and she was engaged and encouraging, as we spoke she made a comment that registered as an important truth for me. She said “sometimes you have to find the balance between the two”, this is a lifelong lesson for me and so very relevant to the “process/plan”. Perhaps coming home is a way of coming back to my core lessons. I wonder what this trip will bring.
Process:
I unloaded more clutter yesterday from my storage, things that don’t fit ( I mean that in a variety of ways). When I return to CA I will be unloading a great deal more. I think.

What grounds you? Where do you go or who do you see that helps you find your center? What comes up for you there?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 17 You want answers? We've got questions

First thing this morning a man asked me if I was a writer. Immediately, I thought, I think the universe is asking me a question. I guess if I'm writing then I'm a writer, who's to say.

My boss called me yesterday just to say he thinks I have changed since my trip to Africa. He said I haven't been as "sharp". I rejoiced in that comment as I don't want to be sharp or have sharp edges. Interestingly, I went out tonight with a group of girlfriends and two made similar comments, saying they thought that I had changed since my trip. The girls went on to ask don't I think I have changed. The Universe asking again? I wasn't sure what I thought or felt when they asked which is unusual for me. Another question that I hadn't really thought about . Upon reflection, I think they're right. I realize, I look different as I lost weight because I did a cleanse before I left. My intention was to clear out and clean my body to prepare it to be open to Africa's energy. I wanted to create a new lifestyle, feeding my body and changing my workouts to ones that were less about "no pain no gain" and more about being in tuned, stretching and creating more fluidity. I see that these intentions and choices are creating some internal differences. It is certainly true I am less engaged in my job and more in dialogue with new possibilities. I do know that this blog is a reflection of being in a state of inquiry with the universe and myself. So, I am opening to all the possibilities and attached at this point, to nothing accept change. So I am living in and with questions. Thank God for the questions, we get to challenge old and new beliefs.

Progress Toward the Plan:
Asked the girls to do a writing workshop and to help network, they said yes.
Asked K to help me with a website.
Spoke to friend for references.

If you could make one change in your life today, in order to make it better, what would it be? Live in and with the question.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 16 What's this all about again?

When I got divorced I had a ring made and inscribed "to thine own Self..." I took that ring off when I went to Africa, I still have not put it back on. I don't know what I'm waiting for, it just feels like it's not the right time yet. I made that ring to remind myself not to lose my boundaries to another person. I made it as a commitment to myself.
I spoke to my teacher today and the conversation allowed me to revisit the reason for this process. (Thank You) What I am trying to do is open doors for myself to see what and how a plan/goal develops for my present and future. Interestingly, I go to local restaurant almost everyday. I sit at the counter and usually wind up talking to anyone of 5 regulars as well as a few others. I realized tonight, that there have been about 3-4 times lately (2 weeks)where I have given up my seat for one of the other guys. What I have said is, "take my seat, it's time for me to go, I've been here long enough.I didn't realize the time" (Are you with me here?). I'm sure I could go own in the way I have been living, (new job) and be pretty content, but I want more.
I have opportunities to go to Thailand and India in the early part of 2010, I have signed up for one class and have two other workshops I am interested in. I am seeing how all of this investigating is shaking then I'll decide what is right for now and what will wait. Either way it is exciting to see what is out there, so all the shedding I am doing create open/empty space (as I was reminded today by my teacher) to fill up to fast would put me back into loaded down.

Connection:
The restaurant.

Process:
Investigated another class sent email for additional info.
Researched a masters program for transition to a new career.

If you get a chance read the comments from my teacher. Click on comments below each section. She is a constant source of support and wisdom.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day15

A quick post tonight. I am having a few stomach issues and believe it could be a parasite I lovingly picked up in Africa. The interesting thing is I thought I shouldn't write about being unwell, how is that helpful and what does that have to do with the plan? First, I believe that everything means something - so where is the parasite in my life? This is interesting, what is eating me up and taking me off balance. (Not to be indelicate "but who put the bug up your a__?" ) Africa did, and that was the rebirth of the plan.
The relevance is' after I having thought of this idea two years ago while grad school I am now starting to move toward it. So I am having to clear out old beliefs and old ways of seeing myself to make room for the new. I realize there is a part of me that is fighting that process and wants to stay with the status quo. (FEAR, EGO? humm.) Often when we decide to create change we also create turmoil in order to be OK with the changes. "If it ain't broke don't fix it" is another saying we have been taught. So we break something and then we can create change "fix it".
Not unlike yesterday what I am reminding myself of today is; I don't have to have drama in my life just because I have decide to create change. Having said that, I need to realize that there is a process that I am undergoing and to be aware of the signs and messages coming through which help me make conscious choices.

Connections:
Drama of work, met a woman today who has being doing the same job for 20years, got sick shortly after.
Process:
Did research crossed off one school.
Found a non traditional educational opportunity to help with the plan.

Transition of any kind will cause some movement with your life. Have you noticed any? Can you think of any? Good or bad is not the issue. Bad today could be great tomorrow.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 14

So Mercury has gone direct. (Don't get to excited apparently the effects can be felt for an additional 4-5 days.) For me today it felt like it was still in a frustratingly strong retrograde. Most of this morning I was far off center and knee deep in angst. I thought after yesterday I had cleared a major hurdle. NO. All morning I kept living in the future of "what if". I only got through it because I decided to create turmoil in my work life so as to distract myself (don't act like you've never done it). Apparently, my exercise from yesterday was put in a real life situation and I forgot the lesson. Was it me yesterday that said "as long as I am growing I don't mind a challenge" (DO OVER)? I was reading one of my Reiki books tonight and I came across the concept that for true healing to occur there has to be a raising of consciousness. All healing begins on a spiritual level. Any real world issues, physical ailments will reoccur if we don't heal at all levels. So perhaps I started yesterday but had to see where in my world the issues arise and are most trying so that I can breathe into them and drill down to get the full impact of what I fear and where for me pride and ego live. So now I can consciously see the reflection of the inner spiritual and the outer physical thus creating real healing. The only concern is I intentionally chose to distract myself. I guess the good part is I realized that one of my avoidance methods is to become a doer. I get busy doing so as to not feel or hear the anxiousness, the true fear. I am going to be seeing this issue again. Oh well I guess that's the fun of life as a class room.
Connecting:
The lovely angst of my worry today.
Reading my Reiki Book
While working on the plan watching PBS on the great natural parks in the US (Route)
Progress:
Typed up notes
Researched a couple of helpful classes.

Pay attention to the angst or anxiety that comes up. Take a deep breath and ask it where it's coming from. Follow it down into your gut. Answer the "what if" or what ever it is. This is the get comfortable being uncomfortable part.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 13

I went today to San Jose (please do not sing "Do U know the Way to San Jose?") and went to a yoga workshop where Tibetan monks chanted prayers using the mandala they constructed. The process was about clearing and making space. The idea was to hold the mandala they built in mind and build from the center out to the four directions. This is a clearing/centering process. I loved the process of breathing deeply in and while holding and moving to and from challenging poses seeing what came up as far as mental chatter. The most trying positions for me were the ones where we were clearing ego, pride, and fear. I did not perform the positions well; whether real or imagined my thoughts or concerns regarding pride and fear seemed to preoccupy me. I eventually relaxed some because I let myself admit I was messing with myself and really directed my attention instead of fighting but I was challenged. I will heart fully admit I am thrilled with the challenge because it helps me grow. What I realized is I am holding a great deal of fear around this process. "How will this work out?" "I can't see how I can get done all I want to have happen." "What happens if I fail at this again?" These are the fears I could let overwhelm me and they will and do from time to time. None the less, I know now and learn more each day that I am to look at each fear each concern with pride and ego (otherwise known as the persona I have built or death of) and just like yoga when I let the strain in and face it; just like the scary monsters that hide in the dark closet, they disappear when the lights come on. Open up and face IT.

Connections:
Yoga to my plan and process.

Process:
Learned a new avenue to finance the plan.

What do you tell yourself you fear? Are you holding on to anger, jealosy, ego, pride, fear? What are your concerns? Look them in the eye, breath. What happens? Do they grow bigger or diminish?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 12 What's Your Passion

What's your passion? What would you get up in the morning to do just because you couldn't wait to do it? This is what I would love to figure out. I like learning new things and trying to figure stuff out. I like playing almost any sport, I just love to see what my body can do. I like new experiences and seeing new sights and I love connecting with people. I am intensely interested in what they have to say, what they know, watching their mannerisms. For some reason these interactions have always been fascinating and fun for me. People are like treasure troves you never know what an individual has been through, where they have been, if they're crazy. I guess like Forest Gump I think not only life but people are like a box of assorted chocolates you never know what you're gonna get. I am sitting here laughing at all of the different kinds of people I have met and the things they have said and done. And yet there have also been many not so funny times. Perhaps it is all the depth of emotions from tear streaming laughter to heart wrenching sorrow that pulls at me. Perhaps I don't need to understand but to truly figure out if people are my passion. Do you know your passion? I'm listening

Connections:
Story to self

Process:
Typed up my notes for plan.
Put schedule together

Give some thought to your passion. What would you do even if no one paid you?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 11

This morning I got an email from my friend M regarding a three day event, the building of a mandala (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandala) by two Tibetan Monks in San Jose. I left 10 minutes later to watch the blessing ceremony. (I am going were I feel compelled to go). While there I spoke to a women www.jenniferprugh.com who will be making a journey to India. (I may be going) I spoke with the gentlemen who put the three day event together http://www.tibetanchildrenseducation.org/ I am connecting him with my teacher.
The significance is I am not only listening to my inner voice but choosing to follow it. I knew I needed to go this morning. I knew I should speak with the woman who was doing the yoga class and found out she graduated from the same school I attended and that she is leading a spiritual trip to India. I had an idea for the gentlemen who sponsored the event so I spoke with him and created another connection. I am following my gut impulses. I have to say it is scary. Scary because it seems to work and scary because of where I am being lead (further away from my old Self)
Connection:
The people I met this morning. I am now doing some connecting.

Process:
I spoke with Yoga teacher J and asked her to speak with me regarding the process and the idea, she said she would be happy to.

What is that inner voice urging you to do? What instincts might you be ignoring? Listen today, then chose and watch the results.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 10

The automatic car lock for my car went crazy today. It beeped repeatedly without any cause, I thought, and then as the day was nearing its end I realized the lock button was stuck. Interesting, I did not investigate the issue all day, even with all the beeping that was indicating there was a problem. There will be a parallel. (I unstuck the button and the lock)

I have an opportunity to give a lot of my stuff in storage away. A friend in need is getting her own place; she could certainly use a lot of it. I have been thinking, "Why am I holding on to my stuff. Am I waiting to get a place of my own? Perhaps I am looking for a reason to let go of my old stuff?" I have lost some weight and many of my old clothes don't fit. Perhaps that metaphor is true for the stuff, maybe it doesn't fit. I am going to take inventory of what I have this weekend and then decide after Mercury goes direct put should be released. I need time to feel this out. I realize once I get the message I don't have to actually let go of my things but then again maybe I do. I have been attached to it, the memories of it, wanting to reconnect with those old feelings.
Connections:
I met with two women I went to Africa with. Relaying stories.
Process:
Faced old beliefs.
Told of plan today and sharpened my focus. New idea, create a presentation, including board to help refine mission.

What is your mission? Is there anything beeping that you're ignoring? What no longer fits?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 9

Letting go of a grudge is not what I wanted to do today but letting go of some of the angst happened anyway. I am not sure how this affects the project but I found myself today having to work to hold on to my anger and so I didn't. (maybe someone else needs to hear that) It was another lesson in presences. I also spoke with one of my professors today and we spoke of my project and I got some helpful hints including, that's right, stay present when listening. ( OK universe, I'm listening)
I looked up some old papers from my masters program and realized how much work is in front of me and I am reminded it is imperative I love this journey and this planning is to keep me focused. When things are rough go to presences and remember the lessons I am learning now.

Connections:
I saw on FB a guy who was in my class and the work he is doing. It was inspiring. I know his work and love what he is doing.

Progress:
Registered for my class. I am optimistic it will be helpful.
Pulled old papers to use to revamp.
Spoke with a professor for guidance.
Looked up publishers

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 8

I got a reading today. Not a card or psychic reading more a reading of my energy. Its a place I have taken classes and like the process they use. For me it is another tool. It's been a long time since I had one and it was interesting the issues that came up, they were both clarifying and affirming. The reading also fit with the process I am undertaking because it has been a lot about clearing out old patterns of thoughts and modes of being. I started this process before I left for Africa by cleaning out paperwork, clothes, material items I also did a food and body cleanse. So as I look back I have laid strong foundational ground work to put myself in a position in the beginning of Oct. (Once mercury is out of retrograde) to start making some decisions.Lastly,the reading today reminded me of my experience at mass while in Africa and how present I was in that transformational moment. Being present is the place I need to be as I put this plan together.

Connection:
The Reading

Process:
The Reading

Be fully present in just one moment today. Start with feeling your whole body and focus your mind fully into whatever activity you are doing.
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 7 One step at a Time

I take yoga. For those of you who might know me well, this would be to say the least surprising; to some it might signal the end of time as we know it (Which could actually be true). All joking aside it has been tremendously beneficial for my body and also for my understanding of my limiting nature. The other day my instructor told us we were going to do hand stands to which I thought, "No you're gonna do a handstand." I truly didn't believe I could. Then I decide to at least try and follow the steps she was giving (what the heck, it would make for a good story). She broke down each incremental movement and 2 minutes later I did my first handstand. I could not believe it; and it that moment something inside me clicked. One step, one focused, mindful motion after another and the unbelievable becomes the doing.
I use to believe these types of results only came from a military style practice, "no pain, no gain" I would brutalize my body. Yoga allowed me to see the metaphor of stepping into the flow. Don't get me wrong, yoga can stretch you in ways that become uncomfortable - right up until you breath and believe into it.

Connections:
A man at the dinner today asked me out of no where "are you going to write a book?" (one step at a time)
I saw my reflection today in the window while running.

Progress:
I made an appoinment today.
I sent the blog to three more people

What do you want to do that you think you can't - Break it down one step at a time. Oh and love the steps. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 6 Revealed

I spoke with my teacher today and we had a revealing a chat. She has been a source of constant wisdom and support for many years. As we spoke today it seemed again like the threads of this process were being pulled together. The theme today was me becoming visible to myself. I need to know my own story, accepting and seeing myself before I can truly hold space for another. On the cusp of that conversation I listened to some difficult, hard to hear stories today. Perhaps the universe has put me into training.

Connections:
Hearing stories that seemed to difficult to hear.
A book being provided to me that is a source of inspiration and learning.
Process:
I have started putting notes together for presentation.
I sent in my registration for Success Built to Last

Take a look in a mirror today and see yourself. You can find your reflection in many places.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 5 Acceptance

I went to lunch today with a good friend and she and I were talking about mercury in retrograde. September 6th to 29th (has a good description)
http://astrology.about.com/od/advancedastrology/p/MercuryRetro.htm

M reminded me that Mercury brings back old issues. It was a good lesson and tops off the week. I was standing in my kitchen tonight when I was struck by some thoughts, old issues and thought yep that’s what it was. Acceptance: I smiled and moved on (deep sigh).

Perhaps this whole quest is just me exploring an old piece of business. I had this idea 2 ½ years ago. (Time will tell)

Connections:
Called T tonight while she was in the middle of telling a story about me… to a group of women (I have never met) who hopefully I will be doing a workshop with.
C called and left a message, new moon tonight. This is a great time to make your intentions known-wrote up my plan (good timing)
Progress:
I wrote the “bones” (my teacher will get that) of my plan for next year.Conferred with J regarding the basic structure of my plan.

I felt great today working with Acceptance, give it a try. Don't forget new moon good time to set intentions.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 4: It Is What It Is

A theme for the last day and a half is accepting your past it was what it was. “I had wanted ... and I realize I didn’t get it”: stagnation, denial, resentment, and hurt pervade our lives when we live from this sad and lonely place. Thankfully I heard all of these stories from people who were aware and working through their process. Seeing and hearing these examples were good lessons for me in dealing with my past. As I am in this process old beliefs are being peeled away. (Become Aware, Process, Grieve, Move Forward to Presence)
Connections:
Herbalist student who is talking to her teacher and hopefully will want to help a contact in Malawi.
At breakfast met a gentleman who is writing an E book on social networking. He gave me some great insights.
Progress:
Met with an friend J and talked about my project and she gave me great advise and direction bolstering my energy. Started building a website and this is making me modify and fine tune my ideas as well as defining my skill set and objectives.

Check in, are you holding to past resentments? Honestly look and see if you are ready to move gently forward to presences - to Fully Live Now. : )

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Nomaste
K

Day 3 Grateful

I feel like it was a good day for the challenge/quest. I spoke with two different universities today regarding PhD programs. This gave me an opportunity to say out loud some of the ideas I am flushing out. This in and of itself was a great help to me. I had the chance to see if I felt confident when presenting my ideas and to further develop them. Do one thing everyday and note the change.

H in admissions at a university told me I was focused and had good concepts that had merit. I might customarily downplay this vote of confidence but between us, it felt great to have someone affirm my thoughts. Thank You H you helped me. (Yes, of course I told her)

The second university I called circled back to Malawi, Africa. The Ad woman (Very kind) works with a circle of women and wants information on how to work with other women groups they have been searching. I am going to put her in touch with M from the trip. (Interesting let’s track that and see what come – additional connections)

My work day was stressful but I am working very hard to see the meaning behind my turmoil in an attempt to see the buttons being pushed so I can grow. It is difficult at times to take a step back and see the drama when in it. I fully recognize that I choose to stay in that emotion, and there lies the lesson. Why? What’s behind the emotion?

So I am grateful today, for both the good and the uncomfortable. It’s all about the growth.

Perhaps today you could think about what you’re grateful for and if possible tell someone.
Thanks
Nomaste
K

Day 2 Story

I'm a little ticked off today. I came across the issue of personal story again today. Perhaps the program I watched last night was just the start of an important issue for me to take a look at within myself. When it came up today in my work life I was lite up around the issue. First with the idea that companies are always attempting to sell their "story" to their mouth pieces who then go out and tell the story as if it were their own. I believe that it belittles the significance of story or perhaps because we don't understand our own or worse over identify with the story of our persona we need a deeper story to immerse in, and take on any as our own. (Perhaps this is true only for myself.)
The second issue today reflected a more of a cognitive thought a co-worker had that he owned. The thought was holding him back. What's connection between the quest and the story. I have to be aware of the thoughts to transform them and write my new story.

Today I looked into two PhD programs. I have a business plan to use to create my own.
I got accepted into a class that I believe will be helpful.

Being stuck in an emotion is a choice.

Say a prayer or hold a positive thought and throw it into the greatest good for all pot.
Thanks
Nomaste
K

Day 1 Wake Up Call

Today a friend of mine out of no where FB (FaceBook) to let me know she was speaking with a friend who owns a Chiropractic Office and said she would love to host a Reiki Class if I wanted to teach a class in OK. I got this email while attending a meeting for my current employement where I was offered an opportunity to sell a new DME product within my company. The universe is already laughing. Choices Choices... stay in the same life you have now or come out and play?

I was watching the Biggest Loser tonight (let that joke go-ok one time LOSER) and the thing that struck me was something Jillian the trainer said to the largest ever contestant who was struggling through her workout and on the brink of giving up. Jillian told/screamed, she would not support the old Story running through the female contestant's head. Jillian told the contestant to change her mind it was a choice and only she could make it. Her mind is conditioned to the story of failure, or the very least stuck in the image she created of herself.

My Questions:
Does transformation start by changing your mind? How do you change your mind?
What story have you constructed for yourself thus far?
The Search is on!

My Step for today I started the blog and confirmed availablitiy to teach a Reiki class. Sent the blog to supportive friends to keep myself honest. (YIKES)

Nomaste
K

Day 1 The Commitment

The Africa trip has been a deal changer for me. We live in a time ripe for transition. Before I left I took steps to prepare myself to move forward in a new direction. The trip provided the spiritual energy and inspirational role models to breath new life into me. I finished my Masters Degree 2 1/2 years ago. I started a business that for several reasons failed. I took the next 18 months to pull my finances together and try to ignore the steady drumming of the voice in my heart.
This blog is the tool/vehicle I am going to use to explore a plan or strategy for a germ of an idea I have. Over the next 30 days (and yes I did get the idea from the movie Julie/Julia- imitation is the highest form of flattery) I am going to pray everyday, take one action step, and be alert to the messages being sent to me through my life circumstance (that ought to confuse some people) and write my steps and the progress to see if I can pull (myself together) and the universe in to help.
What you out there can do for me today is please pray to the God of your heart for my greatest good, and the greatest good for all. (Oh and do 1 nice thing for someone for no reason at all/change happens one nano second at a time let's be the change)
Thanks
Nomaste
K
PS I'm feeling more then a little exposed