Day 16 What's this all about again?

When I got divorced I had a ring made and inscribed "to thine own Self..." I took that ring off when I went to Africa, I still have not put it back on. I don't know what I'm waiting for, it just feels like it's not the right time yet. I made that ring to remind myself not to lose my boundaries to another person. I made it as a commitment to myself.
I spoke to my teacher today and the conversation allowed me to revisit the reason for this process. (Thank You) What I am trying to do is open doors for myself to see what and how a plan/goal develops for my present and future. Interestingly, I go to local restaurant almost everyday. I sit at the counter and usually wind up talking to anyone of 5 regulars as well as a few others. I realized tonight, that there have been about 3-4 times lately (2 weeks)where I have given up my seat for one of the other guys. What I have said is, "take my seat, it's time for me to go, I've been here long enough.I didn't realize the time" (Are you with me here?). I'm sure I could go own in the way I have been living, (new job) and be pretty content, but I want more.
I have opportunities to go to Thailand and India in the early part of 2010, I have signed up for one class and have two other workshops I am interested in. I am seeing how all of this investigating is shaking then I'll decide what is right for now and what will wait. Either way it is exciting to see what is out there, so all the shedding I am doing create open/empty space (as I was reminded today by my teacher) to fill up to fast would put me back into loaded down.

Connection:
The restaurant.

Process:
Investigated another class sent email for additional info.
Researched a masters program for transition to a new career.

If you get a chance read the comments from my teacher. Click on comments below each section. She is a constant source of support and wisdom.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day15

A quick post tonight. I am having a few stomach issues and believe it could be a parasite I lovingly picked up in Africa. The interesting thing is I thought I shouldn't write about being unwell, how is that helpful and what does that have to do with the plan? First, I believe that everything means something - so where is the parasite in my life? This is interesting, what is eating me up and taking me off balance. (Not to be indelicate "but who put the bug up your a__?" ) Africa did, and that was the rebirth of the plan.
The relevance is' after I having thought of this idea two years ago while grad school I am now starting to move toward it. So I am having to clear out old beliefs and old ways of seeing myself to make room for the new. I realize there is a part of me that is fighting that process and wants to stay with the status quo. (FEAR, EGO? humm.) Often when we decide to create change we also create turmoil in order to be OK with the changes. "If it ain't broke don't fix it" is another saying we have been taught. So we break something and then we can create change "fix it".
Not unlike yesterday what I am reminding myself of today is; I don't have to have drama in my life just because I have decide to create change. Having said that, I need to realize that there is a process that I am undergoing and to be aware of the signs and messages coming through which help me make conscious choices.

Connections:
Drama of work, met a woman today who has being doing the same job for 20years, got sick shortly after.
Process:
Did research crossed off one school.
Found a non traditional educational opportunity to help with the plan.

Transition of any kind will cause some movement with your life. Have you noticed any? Can you think of any? Good or bad is not the issue. Bad today could be great tomorrow.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 14

So Mercury has gone direct. (Don't get to excited apparently the effects can be felt for an additional 4-5 days.) For me today it felt like it was still in a frustratingly strong retrograde. Most of this morning I was far off center and knee deep in angst. I thought after yesterday I had cleared a major hurdle. NO. All morning I kept living in the future of "what if". I only got through it because I decided to create turmoil in my work life so as to distract myself (don't act like you've never done it). Apparently, my exercise from yesterday was put in a real life situation and I forgot the lesson. Was it me yesterday that said "as long as I am growing I don't mind a challenge" (DO OVER)? I was reading one of my Reiki books tonight and I came across the concept that for true healing to occur there has to be a raising of consciousness. All healing begins on a spiritual level. Any real world issues, physical ailments will reoccur if we don't heal at all levels. So perhaps I started yesterday but had to see where in my world the issues arise and are most trying so that I can breathe into them and drill down to get the full impact of what I fear and where for me pride and ego live. So now I can consciously see the reflection of the inner spiritual and the outer physical thus creating real healing. The only concern is I intentionally chose to distract myself. I guess the good part is I realized that one of my avoidance methods is to become a doer. I get busy doing so as to not feel or hear the anxiousness, the true fear. I am going to be seeing this issue again. Oh well I guess that's the fun of life as a class room.
Connecting:
The lovely angst of my worry today.
Reading my Reiki Book
While working on the plan watching PBS on the great natural parks in the US (Route)
Progress:
Typed up notes
Researched a couple of helpful classes.

Pay attention to the angst or anxiety that comes up. Take a deep breath and ask it where it's coming from. Follow it down into your gut. Answer the "what if" or what ever it is. This is the get comfortable being uncomfortable part.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 13

I went today to San Jose (please do not sing "Do U know the Way to San Jose?") and went to a yoga workshop where Tibetan monks chanted prayers using the mandala they constructed. The process was about clearing and making space. The idea was to hold the mandala they built in mind and build from the center out to the four directions. This is a clearing/centering process. I loved the process of breathing deeply in and while holding and moving to and from challenging poses seeing what came up as far as mental chatter. The most trying positions for me were the ones where we were clearing ego, pride, and fear. I did not perform the positions well; whether real or imagined my thoughts or concerns regarding pride and fear seemed to preoccupy me. I eventually relaxed some because I let myself admit I was messing with myself and really directed my attention instead of fighting but I was challenged. I will heart fully admit I am thrilled with the challenge because it helps me grow. What I realized is I am holding a great deal of fear around this process. "How will this work out?" "I can't see how I can get done all I want to have happen." "What happens if I fail at this again?" These are the fears I could let overwhelm me and they will and do from time to time. None the less, I know now and learn more each day that I am to look at each fear each concern with pride and ego (otherwise known as the persona I have built or death of) and just like yoga when I let the strain in and face it; just like the scary monsters that hide in the dark closet, they disappear when the lights come on. Open up and face IT.

Connections:
Yoga to my plan and process.

Process:
Learned a new avenue to finance the plan.

What do you tell yourself you fear? Are you holding on to anger, jealosy, ego, pride, fear? What are your concerns? Look them in the eye, breath. What happens? Do they grow bigger or diminish?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 12 What's Your Passion

What's your passion? What would you get up in the morning to do just because you couldn't wait to do it? This is what I would love to figure out. I like learning new things and trying to figure stuff out. I like playing almost any sport, I just love to see what my body can do. I like new experiences and seeing new sights and I love connecting with people. I am intensely interested in what they have to say, what they know, watching their mannerisms. For some reason these interactions have always been fascinating and fun for me. People are like treasure troves you never know what an individual has been through, where they have been, if they're crazy. I guess like Forest Gump I think not only life but people are like a box of assorted chocolates you never know what you're gonna get. I am sitting here laughing at all of the different kinds of people I have met and the things they have said and done. And yet there have also been many not so funny times. Perhaps it is all the depth of emotions from tear streaming laughter to heart wrenching sorrow that pulls at me. Perhaps I don't need to understand but to truly figure out if people are my passion. Do you know your passion? I'm listening

Connections:
Story to self

Process:
Typed up my notes for plan.
Put schedule together

Give some thought to your passion. What would you do even if no one paid you?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 11

This morning I got an email from my friend M regarding a three day event, the building of a mandala (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandala) by two Tibetan Monks in San Jose. I left 10 minutes later to watch the blessing ceremony. (I am going were I feel compelled to go). While there I spoke to a women www.jenniferprugh.com who will be making a journey to India. (I may be going) I spoke with the gentlemen who put the three day event together http://www.tibetanchildrenseducation.org/ I am connecting him with my teacher.
The significance is I am not only listening to my inner voice but choosing to follow it. I knew I needed to go this morning. I knew I should speak with the woman who was doing the yoga class and found out she graduated from the same school I attended and that she is leading a spiritual trip to India. I had an idea for the gentlemen who sponsored the event so I spoke with him and created another connection. I am following my gut impulses. I have to say it is scary. Scary because it seems to work and scary because of where I am being lead (further away from my old Self)
Connection:
The people I met this morning. I am now doing some connecting.

Process:
I spoke with Yoga teacher J and asked her to speak with me regarding the process and the idea, she said she would be happy to.

What is that inner voice urging you to do? What instincts might you be ignoring? Listen today, then chose and watch the results.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 10

The automatic car lock for my car went crazy today. It beeped repeatedly without any cause, I thought, and then as the day was nearing its end I realized the lock button was stuck. Interesting, I did not investigate the issue all day, even with all the beeping that was indicating there was a problem. There will be a parallel. (I unstuck the button and the lock)

I have an opportunity to give a lot of my stuff in storage away. A friend in need is getting her own place; she could certainly use a lot of it. I have been thinking, "Why am I holding on to my stuff. Am I waiting to get a place of my own? Perhaps I am looking for a reason to let go of my old stuff?" I have lost some weight and many of my old clothes don't fit. Perhaps that metaphor is true for the stuff, maybe it doesn't fit. I am going to take inventory of what I have this weekend and then decide after Mercury goes direct put should be released. I need time to feel this out. I realize once I get the message I don't have to actually let go of my things but then again maybe I do. I have been attached to it, the memories of it, wanting to reconnect with those old feelings.
Connections:
I met with two women I went to Africa with. Relaying stories.
Process:
Faced old beliefs.
Told of plan today and sharpened my focus. New idea, create a presentation, including board to help refine mission.

What is your mission? Is there anything beeping that you're ignoring? What no longer fits?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 9

Letting go of a grudge is not what I wanted to do today but letting go of some of the angst happened anyway. I am not sure how this affects the project but I found myself today having to work to hold on to my anger and so I didn't. (maybe someone else needs to hear that) It was another lesson in presences. I also spoke with one of my professors today and we spoke of my project and I got some helpful hints including, that's right, stay present when listening. ( OK universe, I'm listening)
I looked up some old papers from my masters program and realized how much work is in front of me and I am reminded it is imperative I love this journey and this planning is to keep me focused. When things are rough go to presences and remember the lessons I am learning now.

Connections:
I saw on FB a guy who was in my class and the work he is doing. It was inspiring. I know his work and love what he is doing.

Progress:
Registered for my class. I am optimistic it will be helpful.
Pulled old papers to use to revamp.
Spoke with a professor for guidance.
Looked up publishers

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 8

I got a reading today. Not a card or psychic reading more a reading of my energy. Its a place I have taken classes and like the process they use. For me it is another tool. It's been a long time since I had one and it was interesting the issues that came up, they were both clarifying and affirming. The reading also fit with the process I am undertaking because it has been a lot about clearing out old patterns of thoughts and modes of being. I started this process before I left for Africa by cleaning out paperwork, clothes, material items I also did a food and body cleanse. So as I look back I have laid strong foundational ground work to put myself in a position in the beginning of Oct. (Once mercury is out of retrograde) to start making some decisions.Lastly,the reading today reminded me of my experience at mass while in Africa and how present I was in that transformational moment. Being present is the place I need to be as I put this plan together.

Connection:
The Reading

Process:
The Reading

Be fully present in just one moment today. Start with feeling your whole body and focus your mind fully into whatever activity you are doing.
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 7 One step at a Time

I take yoga. For those of you who might know me well, this would be to say the least surprising; to some it might signal the end of time as we know it (Which could actually be true). All joking aside it has been tremendously beneficial for my body and also for my understanding of my limiting nature. The other day my instructor told us we were going to do hand stands to which I thought, "No you're gonna do a handstand." I truly didn't believe I could. Then I decide to at least try and follow the steps she was giving (what the heck, it would make for a good story). She broke down each incremental movement and 2 minutes later I did my first handstand. I could not believe it; and it that moment something inside me clicked. One step, one focused, mindful motion after another and the unbelievable becomes the doing.
I use to believe these types of results only came from a military style practice, "no pain, no gain" I would brutalize my body. Yoga allowed me to see the metaphor of stepping into the flow. Don't get me wrong, yoga can stretch you in ways that become uncomfortable - right up until you breath and believe into it.

Connections:
A man at the dinner today asked me out of no where "are you going to write a book?" (one step at a time)
I saw my reflection today in the window while running.

Progress:
I made an appoinment today.
I sent the blog to three more people

What do you want to do that you think you can't - Break it down one step at a time. Oh and love the steps. Get comfortable being uncomfortable.
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 6 Revealed

I spoke with my teacher today and we had a revealing a chat. She has been a source of constant wisdom and support for many years. As we spoke today it seemed again like the threads of this process were being pulled together. The theme today was me becoming visible to myself. I need to know my own story, accepting and seeing myself before I can truly hold space for another. On the cusp of that conversation I listened to some difficult, hard to hear stories today. Perhaps the universe has put me into training.

Connections:
Hearing stories that seemed to difficult to hear.
A book being provided to me that is a source of inspiration and learning.
Process:
I have started putting notes together for presentation.
I sent in my registration for Success Built to Last

Take a look in a mirror today and see yourself. You can find your reflection in many places.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 5 Acceptance

I went to lunch today with a good friend and she and I were talking about mercury in retrograde. September 6th to 29th (has a good description)
http://astrology.about.com/od/advancedastrology/p/MercuryRetro.htm

M reminded me that Mercury brings back old issues. It was a good lesson and tops off the week. I was standing in my kitchen tonight when I was struck by some thoughts, old issues and thought yep that’s what it was. Acceptance: I smiled and moved on (deep sigh).

Perhaps this whole quest is just me exploring an old piece of business. I had this idea 2 ½ years ago. (Time will tell)

Connections:
Called T tonight while she was in the middle of telling a story about me… to a group of women (I have never met) who hopefully I will be doing a workshop with.
C called and left a message, new moon tonight. This is a great time to make your intentions known-wrote up my plan (good timing)
Progress:
I wrote the “bones” (my teacher will get that) of my plan for next year.Conferred with J regarding the basic structure of my plan.

I felt great today working with Acceptance, give it a try. Don't forget new moon good time to set intentions.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 4: It Is What It Is

A theme for the last day and a half is accepting your past it was what it was. “I had wanted ... and I realize I didn’t get it”: stagnation, denial, resentment, and hurt pervade our lives when we live from this sad and lonely place. Thankfully I heard all of these stories from people who were aware and working through their process. Seeing and hearing these examples were good lessons for me in dealing with my past. As I am in this process old beliefs are being peeled away. (Become Aware, Process, Grieve, Move Forward to Presence)
Connections:
Herbalist student who is talking to her teacher and hopefully will want to help a contact in Malawi.
At breakfast met a gentleman who is writing an E book on social networking. He gave me some great insights.
Progress:
Met with an friend J and talked about my project and she gave me great advise and direction bolstering my energy. Started building a website and this is making me modify and fine tune my ideas as well as defining my skill set and objectives.

Check in, are you holding to past resentments? Honestly look and see if you are ready to move gently forward to presences - to Fully Live Now. : )

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Nomaste
K

Day 3 Grateful

I feel like it was a good day for the challenge/quest. I spoke with two different universities today regarding PhD programs. This gave me an opportunity to say out loud some of the ideas I am flushing out. This in and of itself was a great help to me. I had the chance to see if I felt confident when presenting my ideas and to further develop them. Do one thing everyday and note the change.

H in admissions at a university told me I was focused and had good concepts that had merit. I might customarily downplay this vote of confidence but between us, it felt great to have someone affirm my thoughts. Thank You H you helped me. (Yes, of course I told her)

The second university I called circled back to Malawi, Africa. The Ad woman (Very kind) works with a circle of women and wants information on how to work with other women groups they have been searching. I am going to put her in touch with M from the trip. (Interesting let’s track that and see what come – additional connections)

My work day was stressful but I am working very hard to see the meaning behind my turmoil in an attempt to see the buttons being pushed so I can grow. It is difficult at times to take a step back and see the drama when in it. I fully recognize that I choose to stay in that emotion, and there lies the lesson. Why? What’s behind the emotion?

So I am grateful today, for both the good and the uncomfortable. It’s all about the growth.

Perhaps today you could think about what you’re grateful for and if possible tell someone.
Thanks
Nomaste
K

Day 2 Story

I'm a little ticked off today. I came across the issue of personal story again today. Perhaps the program I watched last night was just the start of an important issue for me to take a look at within myself. When it came up today in my work life I was lite up around the issue. First with the idea that companies are always attempting to sell their "story" to their mouth pieces who then go out and tell the story as if it were their own. I believe that it belittles the significance of story or perhaps because we don't understand our own or worse over identify with the story of our persona we need a deeper story to immerse in, and take on any as our own. (Perhaps this is true only for myself.)
The second issue today reflected a more of a cognitive thought a co-worker had that he owned. The thought was holding him back. What's connection between the quest and the story. I have to be aware of the thoughts to transform them and write my new story.

Today I looked into two PhD programs. I have a business plan to use to create my own.
I got accepted into a class that I believe will be helpful.

Being stuck in an emotion is a choice.

Say a prayer or hold a positive thought and throw it into the greatest good for all pot.
Thanks
Nomaste
K

Day 1 Wake Up Call

Today a friend of mine out of no where FB (FaceBook) to let me know she was speaking with a friend who owns a Chiropractic Office and said she would love to host a Reiki Class if I wanted to teach a class in OK. I got this email while attending a meeting for my current employement where I was offered an opportunity to sell a new DME product within my company. The universe is already laughing. Choices Choices... stay in the same life you have now or come out and play?

I was watching the Biggest Loser tonight (let that joke go-ok one time LOSER) and the thing that struck me was something Jillian the trainer said to the largest ever contestant who was struggling through her workout and on the brink of giving up. Jillian told/screamed, she would not support the old Story running through the female contestant's head. Jillian told the contestant to change her mind it was a choice and only she could make it. Her mind is conditioned to the story of failure, or the very least stuck in the image she created of herself.

My Questions:
Does transformation start by changing your mind? How do you change your mind?
What story have you constructed for yourself thus far?
The Search is on!

My Step for today I started the blog and confirmed availablitiy to teach a Reiki class. Sent the blog to supportive friends to keep myself honest. (YIKES)

Nomaste
K

Day 1 The Commitment

The Africa trip has been a deal changer for me. We live in a time ripe for transition. Before I left I took steps to prepare myself to move forward in a new direction. The trip provided the spiritual energy and inspirational role models to breath new life into me. I finished my Masters Degree 2 1/2 years ago. I started a business that for several reasons failed. I took the next 18 months to pull my finances together and try to ignore the steady drumming of the voice in my heart.
This blog is the tool/vehicle I am going to use to explore a plan or strategy for a germ of an idea I have. Over the next 30 days (and yes I did get the idea from the movie Julie/Julia- imitation is the highest form of flattery) I am going to pray everyday, take one action step, and be alert to the messages being sent to me through my life circumstance (that ought to confuse some people) and write my steps and the progress to see if I can pull (myself together) and the universe in to help.
What you out there can do for me today is please pray to the God of your heart for my greatest good, and the greatest good for all. (Oh and do 1 nice thing for someone for no reason at all/change happens one nano second at a time let's be the change)
Thanks
Nomaste
K
PS I'm feeling more then a little exposed