Part of this process, putting a plan together, has resulted in a review of my past employment behaviors to find patterns that will lead me to a better understanding of not only my skill sets but of my strengths and weakness. What has come up of late is my frequent inability to stay at jobs for an extended period. I have noticed this lately as my job becomes more and more difficult to perform. I realized this is not the first time I have been less then enchanted with the work I was doing. This process has been due in part to the epiphany that I am not long for this job. I spoke with a woman recently, who said that leaving jobs frequently, where you are on good terms,(which is mostly true for me Until Now,) is a sign of an aspiring entrepreneur; that for a while made me feel better. I have to come to terms with the nature of my discontentment. Now it is important to understand why I feel I can do jobs that, I have to realize by now, I won't be happy with in 8-12 months. Yes, it is obvious that I should be doing something else (duh I get that.) The important question is why do I keep going back to working in places I know I won't last. What need are these jobs filling? Yes, it is money and security. However, I also have not waited out the process so have jumped out of one job before finding the correct spot I want to be next or perhaps I left before my lack of enthusiasm got me into trouble. Perhaps following the impulses and urges in the long run will have been correct. I am going to hang on to the question to see what there is to learn. At this point I believe this is my way of talking me into not leaving this job to soon and to try to stay motivated.
What do you want to do or be? Is there any block or urge you are ignoring?
Process:
Told the family I may not be around for the first three months of 2010
Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all. Thanks
Namaste
K
1 comment:
Today you got to see how fragile our parents are soon to be (and so did I). It is amazing to me that as we spoke of how fast my kids and Patti's kids are getting older, so are we damnit; and so are our parents.Yesterday, Dad was throwing fastpitch softball pitches to me in our backyard on Corbitt; he was pitching softballs to us at that park in U City by Kingsland and Page; he was driving the golf ball 275 yards effortlessly; he was coming home from work in some car we had that week. Mom was fixing our lunches, cooking fried chicken with real flour, cleaning our tan cereal bowls (that were actually old butter containers), and finally coming to sit in the living room exhausted after all chores were done to watch a little TV (probably M*A*S*H). Time is flying for us all. I remember being in the car with Dad when I was about 11 or 12. It was a sunny mid-afternoon, no idea where we going. Windows were down on what I think was a blue station wagon (God who knows, his elbow was on the bottom of the window and his hand was on the top of the window and his light jacket was blowing in the wind. I remember thinking how big he was and how cool that whole thing looked. I don't remember the exact conversation at all leading up to what I am about to tell you, but as we crossed Olive on Kingsland (just passing by the near vicinity of Grady's Bar) he turned to me and said that he did not know what his purpose is here on earth. In other words, he did not know what we are questioning now. He was the same age then as we are now. I have been thinking these same thoughts for quite some time now. I will never be a Rhode's scholar, a professional athlete, the President of the United States, etc, but I am a good father, husband, friend, uncle, brother, godfather, confirmation sponser, and citizen. When I want to challenge myself (at the right time), I will devote the necessary time to give it a fantastic shot, but as for meaningful life direction, I think I will always search, AND SO WILL YOU. It is natural for humans to get to this stage in our life, and say "what have I done? and Where am I going?" You, Karen, are simply writing it out and inviting others to share. I am sharing these thoughts with you, and I hope you can see what should be very clear, you and I have always been very alike, and always will be. The only difference is, you are much more aggressive and free spirited which allows you to be open minded and to just let go and experience the experience, whereas I will not allow too many chances to be taken. I envy your enthusiasm and free will to take the journeys you take, it must be invigorating, educational, and satisfying. Good luck as you continue this 30 day journey. Ted
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