Day 16 What's this all about again?

When I got divorced I had a ring made and inscribed "to thine own Self..." I took that ring off when I went to Africa, I still have not put it back on. I don't know what I'm waiting for, it just feels like it's not the right time yet. I made that ring to remind myself not to lose my boundaries to another person. I made it as a commitment to myself.
I spoke to my teacher today and the conversation allowed me to revisit the reason for this process. (Thank You) What I am trying to do is open doors for myself to see what and how a plan/goal develops for my present and future. Interestingly, I go to local restaurant almost everyday. I sit at the counter and usually wind up talking to anyone of 5 regulars as well as a few others. I realized tonight, that there have been about 3-4 times lately (2 weeks)where I have given up my seat for one of the other guys. What I have said is, "take my seat, it's time for me to go, I've been here long enough.I didn't realize the time" (Are you with me here?). I'm sure I could go own in the way I have been living, (new job) and be pretty content, but I want more.
I have opportunities to go to Thailand and India in the early part of 2010, I have signed up for one class and have two other workshops I am interested in. I am seeing how all of this investigating is shaking then I'll decide what is right for now and what will wait. Either way it is exciting to see what is out there, so all the shedding I am doing create open/empty space (as I was reminded today by my teacher) to fill up to fast would put me back into loaded down.

Connection:
The restaurant.

Process:
Investigated another class sent email for additional info.
Researched a masters program for transition to a new career.

If you get a chance read the comments from my teacher. Click on comments below each section. She is a constant source of support and wisdom.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day15

A quick post tonight. I am having a few stomach issues and believe it could be a parasite I lovingly picked up in Africa. The interesting thing is I thought I shouldn't write about being unwell, how is that helpful and what does that have to do with the plan? First, I believe that everything means something - so where is the parasite in my life? This is interesting, what is eating me up and taking me off balance. (Not to be indelicate "but who put the bug up your a__?" ) Africa did, and that was the rebirth of the plan.
The relevance is' after I having thought of this idea two years ago while grad school I am now starting to move toward it. So I am having to clear out old beliefs and old ways of seeing myself to make room for the new. I realize there is a part of me that is fighting that process and wants to stay with the status quo. (FEAR, EGO? humm.) Often when we decide to create change we also create turmoil in order to be OK with the changes. "If it ain't broke don't fix it" is another saying we have been taught. So we break something and then we can create change "fix it".
Not unlike yesterday what I am reminding myself of today is; I don't have to have drama in my life just because I have decide to create change. Having said that, I need to realize that there is a process that I am undergoing and to be aware of the signs and messages coming through which help me make conscious choices.

Connections:
Drama of work, met a woman today who has being doing the same job for 20years, got sick shortly after.
Process:
Did research crossed off one school.
Found a non traditional educational opportunity to help with the plan.

Transition of any kind will cause some movement with your life. Have you noticed any? Can you think of any? Good or bad is not the issue. Bad today could be great tomorrow.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 14

So Mercury has gone direct. (Don't get to excited apparently the effects can be felt for an additional 4-5 days.) For me today it felt like it was still in a frustratingly strong retrograde. Most of this morning I was far off center and knee deep in angst. I thought after yesterday I had cleared a major hurdle. NO. All morning I kept living in the future of "what if". I only got through it because I decided to create turmoil in my work life so as to distract myself (don't act like you've never done it). Apparently, my exercise from yesterday was put in a real life situation and I forgot the lesson. Was it me yesterday that said "as long as I am growing I don't mind a challenge" (DO OVER)? I was reading one of my Reiki books tonight and I came across the concept that for true healing to occur there has to be a raising of consciousness. All healing begins on a spiritual level. Any real world issues, physical ailments will reoccur if we don't heal at all levels. So perhaps I started yesterday but had to see where in my world the issues arise and are most trying so that I can breathe into them and drill down to get the full impact of what I fear and where for me pride and ego live. So now I can consciously see the reflection of the inner spiritual and the outer physical thus creating real healing. The only concern is I intentionally chose to distract myself. I guess the good part is I realized that one of my avoidance methods is to become a doer. I get busy doing so as to not feel or hear the anxiousness, the true fear. I am going to be seeing this issue again. Oh well I guess that's the fun of life as a class room.
Connecting:
The lovely angst of my worry today.
Reading my Reiki Book
While working on the plan watching PBS on the great natural parks in the US (Route)
Progress:
Typed up notes
Researched a couple of helpful classes.

Pay attention to the angst or anxiety that comes up. Take a deep breath and ask it where it's coming from. Follow it down into your gut. Answer the "what if" or what ever it is. This is the get comfortable being uncomfortable part.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 13

I went today to San Jose (please do not sing "Do U know the Way to San Jose?") and went to a yoga workshop where Tibetan monks chanted prayers using the mandala they constructed. The process was about clearing and making space. The idea was to hold the mandala they built in mind and build from the center out to the four directions. This is a clearing/centering process. I loved the process of breathing deeply in and while holding and moving to and from challenging poses seeing what came up as far as mental chatter. The most trying positions for me were the ones where we were clearing ego, pride, and fear. I did not perform the positions well; whether real or imagined my thoughts or concerns regarding pride and fear seemed to preoccupy me. I eventually relaxed some because I let myself admit I was messing with myself and really directed my attention instead of fighting but I was challenged. I will heart fully admit I am thrilled with the challenge because it helps me grow. What I realized is I am holding a great deal of fear around this process. "How will this work out?" "I can't see how I can get done all I want to have happen." "What happens if I fail at this again?" These are the fears I could let overwhelm me and they will and do from time to time. None the less, I know now and learn more each day that I am to look at each fear each concern with pride and ego (otherwise known as the persona I have built or death of) and just like yoga when I let the strain in and face it; just like the scary monsters that hide in the dark closet, they disappear when the lights come on. Open up and face IT.

Connections:
Yoga to my plan and process.

Process:
Learned a new avenue to finance the plan.

What do you tell yourself you fear? Are you holding on to anger, jealosy, ego, pride, fear? What are your concerns? Look them in the eye, breath. What happens? Do they grow bigger or diminish?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 12 What's Your Passion

What's your passion? What would you get up in the morning to do just because you couldn't wait to do it? This is what I would love to figure out. I like learning new things and trying to figure stuff out. I like playing almost any sport, I just love to see what my body can do. I like new experiences and seeing new sights and I love connecting with people. I am intensely interested in what they have to say, what they know, watching their mannerisms. For some reason these interactions have always been fascinating and fun for me. People are like treasure troves you never know what an individual has been through, where they have been, if they're crazy. I guess like Forest Gump I think not only life but people are like a box of assorted chocolates you never know what you're gonna get. I am sitting here laughing at all of the different kinds of people I have met and the things they have said and done. And yet there have also been many not so funny times. Perhaps it is all the depth of emotions from tear streaming laughter to heart wrenching sorrow that pulls at me. Perhaps I don't need to understand but to truly figure out if people are my passion. Do you know your passion? I'm listening

Connections:
Story to self

Process:
Typed up my notes for plan.
Put schedule together

Give some thought to your passion. What would you do even if no one paid you?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 11

This morning I got an email from my friend M regarding a three day event, the building of a mandala (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mandala) by two Tibetan Monks in San Jose. I left 10 minutes later to watch the blessing ceremony. (I am going were I feel compelled to go). While there I spoke to a women www.jenniferprugh.com who will be making a journey to India. (I may be going) I spoke with the gentlemen who put the three day event together http://www.tibetanchildrenseducation.org/ I am connecting him with my teacher.
The significance is I am not only listening to my inner voice but choosing to follow it. I knew I needed to go this morning. I knew I should speak with the woman who was doing the yoga class and found out she graduated from the same school I attended and that she is leading a spiritual trip to India. I had an idea for the gentlemen who sponsored the event so I spoke with him and created another connection. I am following my gut impulses. I have to say it is scary. Scary because it seems to work and scary because of where I am being lead (further away from my old Self)
Connection:
The people I met this morning. I am now doing some connecting.

Process:
I spoke with Yoga teacher J and asked her to speak with me regarding the process and the idea, she said she would be happy to.

What is that inner voice urging you to do? What instincts might you be ignoring? Listen today, then chose and watch the results.

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K

Day 10

The automatic car lock for my car went crazy today. It beeped repeatedly without any cause, I thought, and then as the day was nearing its end I realized the lock button was stuck. Interesting, I did not investigate the issue all day, even with all the beeping that was indicating there was a problem. There will be a parallel. (I unstuck the button and the lock)

I have an opportunity to give a lot of my stuff in storage away. A friend in need is getting her own place; she could certainly use a lot of it. I have been thinking, "Why am I holding on to my stuff. Am I waiting to get a place of my own? Perhaps I am looking for a reason to let go of my old stuff?" I have lost some weight and many of my old clothes don't fit. Perhaps that metaphor is true for the stuff, maybe it doesn't fit. I am going to take inventory of what I have this weekend and then decide after Mercury goes direct put should be released. I need time to feel this out. I realize once I get the message I don't have to actually let go of my things but then again maybe I do. I have been attached to it, the memories of it, wanting to reconnect with those old feelings.
Connections:
I met with two women I went to Africa with. Relaying stories.
Process:
Faced old beliefs.
Told of plan today and sharpened my focus. New idea, create a presentation, including board to help refine mission.

What is your mission? Is there anything beeping that you're ignoring? What no longer fits?

Please say a prayer or hold a positive thought for your greatest good and the greatest good of all.
Thanks
Namaste
K